Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
