Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
