how do flat chested girls get laid?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
