My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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