if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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