My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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