I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
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