i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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