I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize