my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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