But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
