all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
