Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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