At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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