The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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