my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
