Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
