Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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