she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
