I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
