i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
