You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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