I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
