You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He had one of those small greek statue penises
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
