Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
