if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
