How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
