Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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