i already hear my dad disowning me
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
