remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
