Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
