My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
