Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
even my farts smell like vagina
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
whose ass print is on the piano?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize