I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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