I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
too bad you live with your parents still
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
