i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize