His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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