yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
My vagina just recognized that song.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize