At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
