If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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