no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
