She's JV to your varsity
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
