I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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