k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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