So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
birth control should be required to get into college
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
