there's paper in my vomit.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
