Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
