**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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