If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
