People in love make me want to vomit
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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