ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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