Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
