Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
