I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
