So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
being pregnant is like rehab
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
