since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
