I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
