Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
