I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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