Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
