dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
They have beer where we have blood.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
