That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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