Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
