Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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