Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
