There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
