Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
i out mim tonsoeep
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
