Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize
