I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize