pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
