Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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