Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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