I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
