some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
