Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
