hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
